As I was saying…hats….Motherhood

Yes, as I was saying…I wear many hats. 

Once upon a time, when I was in high school, I can remember babysitting for this family who had two children.  They were horrible.  I don’t mean normal kid horrible, I mean let’s put the kitten in the dryer and see what happens horrible!  I clearly remember coming home that day and telling my parents, “I am NEVER having children!” 

Let’s fast forward to February 1996.  I gave birth to a daughter that early cold morning who would forever alter my entire world.  I was on my own.  Her father and I were not together, we were no longer even in the same state.  My own father held her and told me how absolutely beautiful we were.  It was a moment I will never forget even though he died just three short months later. Raising her had its moments, both up and down.  I met my now husband when she was two years old.  It was love at first sight for he and I as well as the two of them.  Enter another hat….Wife is a definite hat, but one for another day…

We wanted children of our own.  We wanted to be a family, a big family, if my now husband had his way.  I remember him saying once he wanted six children.  I said, “How about two?”  But as we all know life has a way of bitch slapping all of your theories about who are and what you want and placing you where life wants you to be.  Two I said.   How about three!  Twins!  WHAT?!? 

Twins….I will never ever forget that day.  The day of the sonogram.  The day I watched my husband turn about six shades of pale I never knew existed.  I remember carrying the photo down in the elevator and staring at it like I was told I was carrying an alien not two infants.  I remember my hubby saying twins over and over like a broken record all the way home.  SO many questions….will I be able to carry them to term?  Will they be ok?  Boys? Girls? One of each?  How on earth are we going to afford two babies?  Where are we going to put them in our two bedroom apartment?  We drove a Hyundai Elantra at the time so seating was definitely a question as well.   Yet another hat, Mom of twins. 

How did it all go you may ask…Well, that is a long, long story.  Maybe another time.  Let’s just say it leads to the next hat….I became a nurse, but that is yet another story.

Fast forward several more years.

The twins were 3 years old and our daughter was 7.  That fateful day when the younger and smaller of our boys refused to take my hand to go up the stairs to the house.  “I can do it myself!”, he said.  I was in tears.  My babies were not babies anymore!  The conversation that night went something like this…

August 2003 – “Honey, do you still wish we had more kids?”  “Ummm….Yes??, WHY?”  “I think I want a baby!” “OK”  “No, I am serious! I’m almost 30.  We can’t wait forever!”  “OK” 

Let’s fast forward again…June 2004…I gave birth to our fourth (and final) baby.  A boy.  He was beautiful and healthy and strong.  Our family was complete.  

Hats are wonderful things.  

The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.
Jessica Lange


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